How Emotional Intelligence Makes Life Easier or "Why Should I Care?"

What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence (EI) describes how well we take care of or manage ourselves in the world. It is part of a newer movement in psychology that speaks to how we do what we do and helps us to understand how we can get along better, by understanding ourselves better.

Our Emotions
Most families and cultures have discouraged us from looking at our emotions—or letting us experience them fully. Our emotions and bodily sensations have specific purposes that we often overlook. Think of them as signals to guide our actions. Each emotion has a role and a distinct biological signature. Anger: brings blood to the hands; an increase in heart rate; and adrenaline to increase strength—you are ready to go. Fear: brings blood to the larger muscles (thighs) and hormones to put your body on alert—you are ready to run. Happiness: encourages energy body fluidity; and the brain's inhibition of negative feelings—you can rest. Surprise: raises the eyebrows, allowing a wider field of vision and activating the third eye. See how this works?

We are not our emotions, although we tend to identify with them. “That guy is angry all the time.” “I'm always depressed.” We may have strong emotions, but we always have the capacity to make choices, to be more informed and to direct our actions. We are not our behaviors.

When we are tasked with a demanding project or are called to multi-task to the edge of our comfort zone, our emotions and the impulses from our body help us find the balance to both meet our basic needs and to forge ahead. In this way, we are functioning better all around. And then we can actually ENJOY the process rather than feeling bound to it.

Why Should I CARE About Empathy?
We all have the capacity to feel all feelings. This enables us to “care” about others' feelings. It's why we cry at a movie. When we open our hearts to others, we are opening it to ourselves. We literally benefit every time we give to another. The neural impulses of our emotions are energy and we are energized when that energy is shared and exchanged unconditionally.

Men and women differ in the way they manage their feelings in the world. Some differences are cultural (learned) and some are biological (inherent). In the west, girls have traditionally been taught to play games that are cooperative or encourage connectedness. In these games, if someone gets hurt, the game stops! Boys typically have been brought up with competitive games, which showcase their autonomy and drive. In these games, if someone gets hurt, people yell, “Get out of the way!” Research shows that women are in fact capable of managing more emotions before feeling “flooded” by them.

A Lesson in Managing My Emotions
“Well, I'm trying to get this project done. But I feel too ----- to do it.” EI tells us that the best way to shift our mood is to distract ourselves. Learn what works best for you. A talk with a friend, a movie, a comfort food, a hot bath, a workout, journaling...take care of yourself—take a vacation from yourself! And then you can get back in the flow. Sadness is the #1 emotion people want to shake; anger is the most challenging. But you can do it! Observe yourself and remind yourself what works for you. (reference Daniel Goleman).